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, accompanied by flailing arms and hands, as though he were conducting a symphony. God has a way of lacing the extremes together. Im coming to think of it as a rich simplicity. I want to see the awe in his face when we sit and watch a train go by, then collect the smashed pennies weve laid on the tracks. Well have a good life. No, it wasnt yet another monumental project I had launched into, only to become overwhelmed and dawdle my way to the end.

God, Leonard and. And no matter the activity, Im contemplating, Im listening, Im praying. I want less stuff. I feel it, though. So what will this year hold? Gravity is not kind when youre approaching. In the winter, warm, fuzzy footwear becomes the necessity. I dont know that Im thinking about resolutions so much as Im just focused on living a better life. In the warmer months, I prefer to go barefoot. God has filled my belly with a satiating sureness.

Im living inside my head most of the time, in the constant companionship of God and Leonard. Im not finished with this moment. By this time next year, Leonard will be walking and talking. This hole was for the sweet, little hemlock tree I got to commemorate Leonards first Christmas. And I want to be not just a good mother, but the mother he deserves. I laughed to myself. Shoes are a nuisance. This year will be, as all my years have come to be, an open prayer. Im doing my part so that God can do His.

After all, he is, to me, a blessing among blessings. Ill be more centered, more able to give back, more able to enjoy. I felt lucky to be enjoying a weird 60 degree January day. I want more substance. In this new year, I realize, more than ever, that time is precious. Im noticing that most of my friends are contemplating the new year more heavily than in years past. Leonard will become a bus baby for a few months. There are moments when Im sure the intent look on his face will be followed with an exquisite explosion of words tumbling out of his mouth.


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But thats temporary, and theyre understanding. Im reassessing, purging, shedding the non-essentials in order to make room for more stillness, more richness, more satisfaction. Nothing, but nothing would eek over my feet. Leonard has already doubled in weight since his birth. I dont usually have to do that this time of year. Easy does it was the norm not such an easy state for this stubborn girl. I basked in the scent of the raw earth as I dug.

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The life that will allow Leonard and me both to flourish. When I finished my task, I washed my filthy feet in the tub. Time is not vertical, its linear, each moment seamlessly flowing into the next. My hands are cracked and chapped from countless daily washings. All my friends with children tell me how quickly time races. This year, Im increasingly aware of the passage of time, of my own aging. When Leonard is awake, I want to relish every moment. Complacency is a thing of the past. Hes the Great Inspirer, for. But sometimes, I just sit still in the quiet and watch him sleep.

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